The Wife Came Home Early....

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom
making love to a very attractive young woman and she was somewhat
upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this
to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.
I want a divorce straight away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute, love, so at least
I can tell you what happened.'

'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll
say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive
home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so
down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her
into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and
very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in
my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchila das
I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're
afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in
moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower,
and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and
full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I
gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but
don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the
underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't
use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my
sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her,
and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive
boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so
grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her
to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

A hospital spokesperson said that he is on life support in ICU.